1) The Brazilian Wandering Spider is the world’s deadliest spider. It doesn’t spin webs, opts to instead crawl on the ground it blends with, is extremely aggressive and bites repeatedly once disturbed; releasing a venom that renders its victims blind, in excruciating pain, and unable to breathe.
2) The Strychnos is a plant with oval leaves, green flora, and budding red fruit. Upon coming in contact with it one experiences muscle spasms, rapid changes in blood pressure, and their throat closing shut.
3) The Red Bellied Piranha’s teeth are razor sharp, its jaw is [SEXY RUSSIANS ARE WAITING FOR YOU click TO MEET THEM] powerful and, when hungry and traveling in groups, within minutes they are known to strip the flesh of their prey all the way down to the bone.
4) Electric Eels grow to be upwards of 8 feet, their bodies containing electrical organs that generate a maximum charge of 600 volts; multiple shocks from which could result in cardiac arrest.
5) The Curare is a vine known to paralyze one’s respiratory muscles, keeping them completely conscious and unable to move as they [HOW THIS LADY MAKES 2.7 MILLION EVERY 2 MONTHS] slowly suffocate.
6) Jaguars are the third largest cat in the world, known to run upwards of 65 miles per hour, climb trees, and swim. Their bite is the most powerful of all cats, used to dislocate the necks of their prey, and their teeth are sharp enough to pierce through skull.
7) Anacondas grow to be over 30 feet long, weigh over 500 pounds, and, before swallowing them whole, squeeze their prey until their lungs collapse.
8) The Angel’s Trumpet [TRAINERS HATE HIM: SCIENTISTS DISCOVERED A REVOLUTIONARY NEW MUSCLE BUILDER] is a flower that produces a poison; too much of which could be fatal while just enough produces lucid dreams. Shamans used these dreams to predict misfortune.
Because in the Amazon Rainforest, out of all threats to one’s well being, the unknown might be the scariest.
One morning when I worked the counter at a clothing shop, a girl stumbled in explaining how she’d just run away from her boyfriend. I was searching everything there is to know about the Amazon. Because I can. I feel like my generation is experiencing life in a way specific only to us. He’s perfect, she said between breaths. Running shorts around her waist, running shoes on her feet, and a number pinned to her tank top, you could pick and choose just how literally she meant it when she said she ran away. I read somewhere that a nine year old invented the term Googol. A one with one hundred zeros, it was made to clarify the difference between an unimaginably large number such as itself and infinity; something that goes on forever. Because even large numbers end. That girl in all her running gear was thinking about forever. It’s a tough concept to grasp or make clear sense of. Like any of us, she’d downloaded the American Dream and this was the loading screen; the husband, children, and white picket fence still buffering. Her and her boyfriend were running a race when she left him. Also, she was drunk. It was Bay to Breakers. Google it if you’re not familiar. She listed off his specifications: he’s handsome, has muscles, is loving, and always attentive to her needs. He’s just not her best friend. When iPhones malfunction we take them to Apple to have experts open them up and dissect them. Her and I were the same age when she opened up to me and we share the same glitches, I’m no Genius. We grew up alongside the Age of Information and with it came more than we could grasp or make sense of. Sometimes I wonder how that one with one hundred zeros affected our outlook on life. My mom set up my first email address back when Windows ‘98 coursed through our desktop. Somewhere in the mix of heart-bleeding X’s and O’s from family around the world, I started getting emails explaining the way in which I’d be able to grow my penis several inches in only several days. Imagine that: if I’d saved up my lunch money for long enough, I could’ve had the biggest cock on the playground. I could’ve been the only kid at recess with a Lamborghini because I was some website’s millionth visitor or won an eight-day vacation to the Bahamas if I simply clicked a link. I say that to say a friend of mine has a job that pays well and is engaged to be married. He is a success in most senses of the word yet the other night he said he misses single life and wishes he knew his passion like I do. As if my option was the right option. Sitting in that clothing shop a single broke boy chasing dreams, it seemed obvious his was the right one. Anyway, none of what those pop up ads promised could possibly be a click away, we all eventually realized. I always wonder who out there thinks they are. That girl and I started talking about love; that classic love. She mentioned how her parents knew each other only 6 months before they fled their country, married, and had children. They barely knew each other and I can’t see how it wasn’t the journey that forced them to make it work. It couldn’t have been easy. It couldn’t have been comfortable. Maybe that was the point. Maybe that’s what made them best friends. Maybe these ebbs and flows that shake us to our core are necessary and maybe that classic, forever kind of love we seek isn’t instantaneous or convenient. Sometimes I feel like it’s been advertised to my generation as if it were just a click away. Which is pretty silly. Almost as silly as a bulging-muscled, 9 year old me cruising the Bahamas in a Lamborghini populated by sexy Russians, millions of dollars, and my rock-hard gargantuan cock. She asked me what I wanted out of life having already told me so much of what she did. I thought for just a second and told her I wanted to save the world. She gave me a look. I was half-joking and by definition half-serious I guess; more so waiting for someone to take my naivety and diagnose it as something else. So much ambition is too big for one person, she told me. I could’ve argued the same of her but maybe she was waiting too. I imagine a jungle similar to the Amazon is where someone first discovered fire. Whoever did surely had no idea it would lead to electricity nor that that would building-block into this complex digital era that drunk girls have quarter-life crises in. Maybe we don’t know what the things we do mean just like they didn’t. Maybe we’re just the latest iOS update in this whole human being thing and don’t yet know our one function in the grand scheme. We’re out of the jungle. And where are we going from here? Born in such comfort, maybe her, I, and all of us are here to learn it was never the answer. Maybe the answer is to simply live and learn. Maybe there is no answer. I’m no Genius. Maybe her and I don’t share the same glitches. Maybe they’re not glitches. Maybe in this blur of spinning gears, cold metal and whirring CPU’s, the few times we’re forced to face our humanness we react to it the way we would a glitch. Maybe something as pure, unpredictable, and unknown as love brings us right back to the jungle; to that same fear. It’s almost a testament to human ego to think we ever exited nature or became spectators exempt from its rules.
9) Flooding is an annual occurence in the Amazon; its river rising upwards of 30 feet and covering over 140,000 square miles during the rainy season. Because even if you’ve survived everything else, nature itself could at any moment come washing through. Even in the city with all of our technology we’re not immune to nature and what it decides to do. We’re not even immune to ourselves. We are nature, I suppose. We can’t escape that. That girl ran into the shop that morning after a feeling came washing through her and I say all of that to say if you ever get afraid, just know that I do too. And I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.